Dogs Gone Wild

As I sit and try to concentrate on my morning computer rituals, all I hear is the constant, insistent click of paws on the kitchen floor. I avoid looking down. It isn't pretty--in fact, it's kind of disturbing. They are insane today. Karma, who is scheduled to be spayed on March 16 (a month too late, it turns out) is now in heat. Little Major, fixed though he is, is a dog on a mission. He is the humpomatic that cannot be stopped and what's more, Karma doesn't want him stopped.

In an effort to protect what's left of her virtue, I put Major in the crate. He was, after all, the driving force I thought. It's Karma's crate where she resides when I go out. I closed Major in fully expecting whining objections from him. Instead, Karma began pawing wildly at the latch in an attempt to free him! They are two dogs of but one mind.

The coupling elicits screams of horror from the boy. I am getting used to it, but I will admit that it engendered a bit of horror in me at first, too. I see these dogs, especially Major, as so removed from their natural tendencies that when instinct takes over it's a bit of a shock. Who knew he had it in him? He's had the odd love affair over the years with stuffed toys and pillows, but nothing sustained like this. The song, "Who Let the Dogs Out," takes on vivid new meaning for me.

The only plus I see in all this is that by day's end they will be worn to a frazzle. They must be exhausting themselves because it exhausts me just thinking about it, hearing it, yelling at them for it and when it absolutely can't be helped--seeing it. How long does this heat last? Maybe I could move the vet appointment up to, say, tomorrow!

Sit! -- If You Feel Like It, That Is . . .

My dogs are crazy about me. They hang on my every word. At least that's the impression they put out. All ears up and tails wagging every time I open my mouth. And it doesn't matter if I'm talking to them, the boy, the Mayor or myself. They are always listening and watching my every move. Problem is, despite all that rapt attention, they seldom respond to anything I say in a way that you might interpret as obedience.

Sure, they've got the basic commands down. SIT generally gets the desired response--and quickly, when I'm offering bribes. But it isn't a sure thing and even when they sit, it isn't for long. OUT is often successful, but 7-year-old Major, a Miniature Pinscher who dislikes most weather, frequently drags his feet. Dog favorites like BISCUIT and DINNER are foolproof, I'll give them that.

But my potential favorites--COME, STAY, DOWN and NO--fail unless the  dogs are of a mind to take or cease said action of their own free will. They want to please you. Isn't that what everyone says about dogs? Well mine seem to want, first and foremost, to please themselves. If they happen to please me in the process of pleasing themselves, all the better in their minds--after all, dogs are affable animals.

The long and short of the matter is that I am a terrible dog trainer. I want well-trained dogs, but I'm not consistent. They sense this off of me right away and that's why they have a maybe/maybe not attitude when it comes to doing what I say. It was sort of OK with Major because he weighs about 9 pounds and bad behavior in a dog that barely reaches your knee is annoying, but manageable. Karma, the rescue puppy we recently adopted, presents more of a challenge. At six-months, she is already bigger than Major. She is healthy, funny and full of energy. And she is desperately in need of training.

It's not easy for dogs. As a species forced to live by the rules of a different species, they are predestined to have to fight their every instinct their entire lives. Why they remain as good natured as they do in the face of this, is a mystery to me. At this stage of life, nearly anything that strikes Karma as a great idea--chewing socks, biting Major, gnawing on chair legs, dissecting toys, eating poop--strikes me as a bad one. And redirecting her energies is time consuming and tedious. Snow makes the dog park impossible and has for the past month.

We tried clicker training and still have two lessons that are paid for, but I don't think I'll go back. Training without verbal commands might work for others, but I am not getting it and neither is Karma. In this class, they frown on physically manipulating your dog to let her know what behavior you want, ie . . . pushing her bottom down when you are teaching sit, etc. This is considered rude to the dog. I love my dog, but I really don't think she gets a nuanced concept like rudeness. And if I'm not hurting her, I don't really understand how it is rude myself. You might say it's not clicking with me.

Yet, I need to find a method and find it fast. The traditional training classes I took Major to seven years ago have doubled in price and with the vet visits and spaying to pay for, combined with the training classes that didn't work, my dog budget is pretty well blown. My cousin sent her dogs to a training camp, but I'm sure I won't be able to swing that. Books on training are my next option and I have a few. But where do I get a book on training myself to be a trainer of dogs. I'm the real problem here, not them. They know it and I know it!